“Unless you have vetted an item and determined its taste is surprisingly good, a party is not the place for it.”
I hate when people bring weird drinks to parties.
The discourse around parties is depressingly anti-social. I'm worried about a lot of you who seem to make the fact that you're having a bad time the fault of the party and not the fault of your terrible attitude. I say this as a freak that loves throwing parties; personally I enjoy small talk more than most, even with other media people. But there is a dynamic I've started to notice among guests that makes me want to abandon my life and move out to an island where no one can ever buzz my apartment again: some of you simply cannot be trusted to bring decent drinks.
This is not entirely your fault. Sometime in the last five years, all the monopolistic food and beverage conglomerates started to realize that you could make a lot of money by just producing stunt consumables. (It's why we now have 3,000 Oreo varietals, when we really only need double-stuffed.) Too many of you are falling for it and now earnestly believe that the six-pack of Hot Cheetos Hard Kombucha that’s on sale at the bodega will taste like anything but rancid battery acid.
Certainly some of you buy these offenders as a cheeky bit. Go on then; have your fun in the privacy of your own home. But unless you have vetted an item and determined its taste is surprisingly good, a party is not the place for it.
My feelings are in part influenced by my own strong tastes, but I don’t actually believe that people should only bring beverages to my parties that I like. In fact, when I stock a cooler, it’s usually full of stuff I don’t really enjoy but is widely popular. Mango-flavored White Claw, for example. It’s not something that anyone will go out of their way to drink, but if it’s on offer, especially if it’s nice outside, it’ll find an audience.
This social contract goes both ways. Being a good guest, AKA the type to contribute drinks to the function, still requires etiquette and restraint. Bring something other people will actually like, please. For example, I love a malty brown ale, but there’s a time and place for them. I am not bringing Newcastle to your roof party. I only wish fans of sours felt the same way— please leave your carbonated melted Jolly Ranchers at home. If you do, you better believe it’s coming right back to your house the next time you’re hosting. You’re welcome for temporarily sheltering it in my fridge. Offloading half-full handles and leftover beers is the worst behavior of all, especially when I notice you’re not even drinking that shit yourself. If I invited you to a potluck, are you going to bring the remnants of last week’s dinner?
I can forgive a little cheapness, but I simply cannot accept any more thoughtless party drinks. Have some respect for your host and your mutuals! . Consider the context of the party! (Is it indoors? Is it big? Are you going to a place without a wine key?) But for those of you who need hand-holding, here’s a humble rule of thumb: if it ain’t on the menu at a dive bar, leave it on the shelf. And if you don't want to drink it, no one else does, either!
—Sammy Malone
strongly agree, but i will give people a pass if they bring a fun weird thing ALONGSIDE actually good things for a crowd
These are quickly declining in quality of topic towards the level of 'could have and should have been a twitter thread'. Not even a hate-read, just fairly annoyed read.