Prestige personality proliferation

Help me make this "The Real Writers of Cobble/Clinton Hills" joke work....

I don’t cook enough to make practical use of much Alison Roman content, but I was very intrigued by her new line of pasta sauces. My friend Julia and I are planning a sauce sampler night, but I kind of caved and test drove the anchovy & caramelized shallots one alone last night. Dude. My eyes are opened. My stomach is lined. My third upper respiratory nonsense of the winter has been cured, or at least it doesn’t have to deal with venturing out for real groceries. Damn. All this time, Rao’s really did just taste like pure jar didn’t it…

Discussed and/or dissed (not necessarily by moi)…Scooter Braun to the Substack stars…Someone has it out for the Goulds/Gessens…that psycho viral eye health newsletter…billionaires being over press patrons….you know, the usual