Long weekend long reads
For when you're inevitably stuck in traffic
In case you are bored at the beach*!
*Beach meaning, wherever you are this weekend.
I thought I had built up a pretty good resistance to personal-essay-provoked-pathos, and also I thought I did not care about Jackass at all, but Yahoo’s Kelsey Weekman writing about the healing power of the franchise at a very heartbreaking time in her life proved me wrong twice: “I’m sorry if you don’t find pain funny because it’s an excellent coping mechanism” is such a good line.
Caity Weaver’s collection of scene reports? I guess? for The Atlantic from various secondhand sales in America is full of very fun facts but starts meandering pretty quickly; I recommend reading the intro and the first few grafs under “Garage sales,” which are spectacular, and then moving on with your life if you so please.
I’ve had a tab open for months to this iconic 2013 GQ piece from Buzz Bissinger, “My Gucci Addiction,” which came recommended to me as the gold standard for a style essay. First of all, what a wonderful great long dek — we should use more of these! Why do deks these days have to be so small by default? We’re all compulsively reading those thick X / Instagram caption / LinedIn screed paragraphs anyway. Second, the humor is so perfectly droll — “I do belong, but briefs from Jockey are taking away a little edge.” The Boomers and Gen X-ers always do self deprecation so much better than the earnest, apologetic Millennials, I’m afraid. Third, apparently this essay went so viral (for 2013!) that the New York Times basically reblogged it a week later. Amazing. Jim Nelson’s methods remain heinously under-studied.
^^And if you’re in the headspace for addiction essay from a different point in the journey, that Sarah Miller New Yorker essay, “A Diehard Drinker Accidentally Quits”, is especially interesting for its deployment of an anticlimax in an otherwise usually ultra-dramatic genre.
Okay, that’s a lot of essays! How about some sports? Everyone I know liked Zach Helfand’s piece on Erling Haaland for The New Yorker, and it’s not that long actually. SOMEONE in my personal life made a bet that even though I do not plan on watching any of the World Cup, I would inevitably include a World Cup link before the month was over, which is not the kind of poserdom that shames me, unfortunately. I’m interested by what’s interesting! And sometimes I need to watch a few TikTok compilations and one magazine article that do a good job summarizing a giant Norwegian’s whole deal before I get with the program. (To wit, at least someone on the social team over there is experimenting with the big paragraph posts!)
Another New Yorker link, but in the satisfying vein of “European things confronting their European aspect,” I actually enjoyed this report from Jessi Jezewska Stevens on Switzerland grappling with its sense of Swissness (a great hook of a Heidi opener, plus the aside that the anime “Heidi” is actually wildly popular abroad, what a fun fact) in terms of an initiative to cap its population.
Finally, I can’t believe Slate is out here publishing 8,000-word investigations from Luke Winkie on Florida’s literally overkill Nuisance Alligator Program, but I do think we have a very solid contender to admit into the “The Orchid Thief” canon of Floridian mankind vs. wild magazine reporting. Excellent characters that give good quote, exquisite observations (like noticing how close the gator farm is to a McDonalds), plus Luke gets his hands dirty doing some gator-wrangling! And there’s a nice little Gucci callback in there for you. Isn’t it all connected?